


Double Dethjob

by cannedteeth



Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Blow Jobs, Dubious Consent, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, M/M, Multi, Nathan in Denial, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Threesome - M/M/M, another rendition of the great Stops Copies Me argument, i think, no beta we die like men, please im funny you just don't know it yet, scandigayvians, tagging just in case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cannedteeth/pseuds/cannedteeth
Summary: Nathan gets stuck in the middle of an argument between the two guitarists. They figure out a way to decide on who's right.
Relationships: Nathan Explosion/Skwisgaar Skwigelf, Nathan Explosion/Skwisgaar Skwigelf/Toki Wartooth, Nathan Explosion/Toki Wartooth, Skwisgaar Skwigelf/Toki Wartooth
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Double Dethjob

**Author's Note:**

> my first metalocalypse fic, and first fic in a long while, which of course, is porn

"I ams better than you at everytinks, Toki. You cants even denies it, you knows I'm right! Yous probably even needs practice for jackings off properly."

Nathan sat in the middle of the couch, sprawled out lazily between two -currently very annoying- Scandinavians who were mindlessly arguing as usual, seemingly over nothing. No one else other than them was in the room, actively disturbing him- Pickles was in his room, probably high out of his mind, and Murderface had said that he was going to sleep (Nathan doubted it, judging from the weird noises coming from the direction of his room. Maybe he was working on Planet Piss or something. Which he probably wasn't.) 

Frankly, Nathan wanted to tell the two to shut up, they were _really_ getting on his nerves. However the singer decided against bashing the duos heads together and knocking them out, as their banter slipped into a wilder direction. 

"Oh, ja? Actually, Skwisgaar, I's knows ONE thing better than you does. I'ms sure of its." 

"What is its, little Toki? Huh? Cleaning de toilets or somethings?" the blonde chortled. 

"No, ams better at blowjobs than yous." 

Nathan lifted a brow. Maybe-not-so-innocent Toki, being particularly good at-? Nathan cringed at the thought inwardly, not particularly fond of the thought of his (friend) bandmate performing oral sex. Gay oral sex. Sucking dick. Taking big, juicy throbbing cock into his mouth, face flushed, eyelashes fluttering-

Nathan was getting sidetracked. 

"Uh, Toki? Last time I checked, that was pretty gay." 

"Don'ts worry Natens, de idiots probably understoods something wrong agains. Rights Toki?" 

"No, I'ms serious. I cans suck a dick reals goods." 

He turned to Skwisgaar, too see his reaction, and what he saw was priceless. The Swede's jaw hung low in disbelief, both eyebrows raised. Nathan couldn't help but chuckle at the sight which lasted for about three seconds before Skwisgaar quickly regained his composure. 

"Wow Tokis, that _ams_ pretty gays."

"Yeah... not brutal." 

Toki was full of surprises, it seemed. There was a short, awkward pause. It was no secret to anyone that the Swede fooled around with men from time to time. (Nobody gave quarter of a fuck about it, though ("I am abscholutely dischhapointed you would think about your ol pal Murderfasche that way"))

"Who tolds you that, anyways?" Skwisgaar asked, his tone of voice laced with something Nathan couldn't decipher. Jealousy, perhaps?

"All de mens I suckeds. They even tolds me I was better than de goils." Toki smirked proudly, satisfied he'd found something Skwisgaar didn't excel at, especially now that it was related to sex. 

"Yous lyings."

"Whys you so butthurts? I thoughts you didn't likes goings down on peoples." 

"Ja, but that doesn't means I's bad at its!" 

"I sees the way you eats popsockles skwisgaar, you dont haves de naturals talents."

"Toki, you littles dildo-"

"You guys _do_ know I'm still here, right? This is getting kinda... too gay for me." Nathan shifted a little in his seat. 

"Ja. Buts you donts care. And I doubts you wills tomorrow." 

Nathan sighed. "Alright. You've got a point. Just don't get too uh, graphic or anything. I'm too comfortable to get off my ass."

Well... way to get stuck between the two. Nathan, who totally wasn't curious about this conversation, thought to himself (which was a surprise, because Nathan Explosion does not think, usually). As if to prove his point, Nathan sunk a bit lower into the soft material, exhaling. 

"...you cant's be betters than mes."

"Oh ja, Skwisgaar? Hows you goings to proves it?" 

"How's _you_ goings to proves that yous so better than me!" 

"Oh my god, guys, please don't suck each other's dicks while I'm here," 

Skwisgaar and Toki both snapped their heads in his direction, making the vocalist grimace internally, as if they knew that the thought had actually intrigued him.

"We amn'ts goings to dos that, obviouslys,"

"Ja, that woulds be kinda gays." 

"Woulds make no sense eithers, too, Natens! We cants compares each others skill to ours own..." 

"Nots that I woulds sucks Tokis dick, anyways. It ams probablies too smalls or somethings."

"You guys need like... a blowjob judge or something," Nathan retorted, wondering if male groupies existed. Surely they had to, right? "A blowjudge,"

Nathan felt that he was being actively stared at by the two, not a word escaping their lips, but he dared not check. 

"Uh... guys?" 

Nathan could sense a silent agreement revolving between the guitarists as they looked at each other, then back to him, smirks plastered onto their faces.

" _Please_ don't suck my dick." 

At once, the man was attacked with eager hands, pinned down by both as Toki swiftly unzipped his pants, ears deaf to Nathan's protests. 

"Guys! Come on! I'm not gay!"

"Don'ts worries, Natens, it ams nots gays if you amnts de one doings it." Skwisgaar reassured, pulling the man's pants down. He had kneeled on the floor, while Toki stayed next to Nathan on the couch.

"We's not gays, eithers." 

Nathan whined half-heartedly. They all knew that Nathan was stronger than the two of them, and could simply push them away easily, but chose not to. But like, he still totally didn't want them to go down on him or anything...

"...God damnit..."

Toki pulled Nathan's already half-hard cock out of his boxers, smiling with glee.

"Wowee, it ams real big," Toki giggled, pulling the underwear down to reveal the full length of Nathan's rapidly hardening cock, stroking gently. The vocalist groaned, all too visibly aroused.

Skwisgaar simply dipped his head down impatiently, sparing Nathan the compliments, and giving the head a sloppy kiss. He trailed downward with his tongue expertly, flicking his tongue up and down a protruding vein. Toki followed, raising his ass up in the air as he laid a tentative lick on the side, then sucked gently, making Nathan gasp. 

"...Toki, stops copies me."

" _You_ thtopth copieth me!" Toki murmured, lips still plastered to the shaft of Nathan's dick. 

"Ughh, shut up and suck," Nathan moaned, getting increasingly impatient. He could already feel they would start bickering again if he let them, and unfortunately that wasn't exactly optimal while he was getting a blowjob.

Skwisgaar shot Nathan a smirk before obediently going back to his work, as did Toki. They continued their teasing, lips occasionally brushing against each other as they licked and sucked on the vocalist's large cock. 

Their lips met slowly as they worked on the head, and before they could stop themselves they'd been pulled into an aggravated makeout session, Nathan's precum slick on their tongues. 

_Ohh, fuck, that was so hot._

Nathan could only watch as his dick throbbed at the sight of the two Scandinavians tongue-wrestling in the heat of the moment, whining silently as his manhood ached for attention.

"Guys, my cock," he grunted, as much as he would love to continue watching their hungry kissing, his arousal wouldn't let him stay put for long. 

Skwisgaar extracted his tongue from Toki's mouth with a wet pop, who let out a small whine at the absence of the Swede's tongue. He slid down from the couch, if only to be closer to him. 

"Ja, sorries Natens..." Toki winked at him, cheeks flushed. Before he could do anything first, though, Skwisgaar eagerly took Nathan's cock in his mouth, sucking him slowly and going further down to the base with each bob of his head. 

Nathan moaned, relieved that he finally wasn't teased and being sucked off properly. Toki whined in protest, tugging at Skwisgaar's shirt who simply hummed into Nate's dick, not wanting to finish his turn yet. 

"Ohhh fuck, Skwisgaar," Nathan groaned, the hot, wet mouth on his cock doing wonders to please him. He could have come right then and there, when Toki popped one of his heavy balls in his mouth, sucking on the sensitive flesh gently. He put both hands on the guitarist's heads, tangling his fingers in their long hair, groaning.

Meanwhile Toki looked like he'd suddenly gotten an idea, glancing at Skwisgaar mischievously before he pulled away, and groped the Swede's cock through his pants unceremoniously. Skwisgaar almost choked, surprised, as Toki kept on massaging his bulge, grinning smugly.

"Jävla, Toki."

Skwisgaar let go, to which Toki took the opportunity to replace him almost immediately, and they switched roles. Toki did almost the same, hollowing out his cheeks as he slurped down on the large penis, making progress much like the Swede. He swirled his tongue around a vein deliciously, making Nathan throw his head back and moan loudly. _Fuck, how were they so good at this?_

Nathan felt himself nearing his orgasm as the pressure built up in his abdomen steadily, making him writhe under Toki and Skwisgaar's skilled mouths. Without warning, Toki shoved his cock down his throat, as far as he could go, only gagging a little as he sucked hard. This paired with Skwisgaar fondling his balls almost sent him over the edge, causing a sound he didn't even think he could make, to slip out of his mouth. 

He had _whimpered._ God, that was embarrassing. Nathan wouldn't last long now, not with Toki slamming his cock down his tight throat repeatedly, humming to increase Nathan's pleasure. His dick throbbing, Nathan was certain Skwisgaar was fiddling with Toki's cock through his pants. He wasn't sure why, but that made it all feel even _hotter._

"Guys, I'm gonna fucking- uuhg- I'm gonna fucking cuuum-" Nathan groaned, face scrunched up in concentration. Toki lifted up, so that only the head of Nathan's cock was in his mouth, and he sucked, glancing at Skwisgaar (who promptly rolled his eyes) smugly that he got to be the one to finish Nathan off. He prodded at the slit with his tongue, licking nicely, looking up at Nathan with an almost innocent expression. 

"Uhhhg TOKI-!"

Nathan's hips bucked up, a string of curses escaping his lips as he came, his dick throbbing in Toki's hand. They both had pulled away, now only with their tongues out, eager as Nathan's spunk splattered over their faces. It made for quite a lewd image, messy hairs stuck to their sweaty, blushing faces. Nathan admired the lewd sight of the two beautiful men covered in his cum as he came down from his high slowly, panting.

This felt way too much like a porno. 

"Comes here, littles Toki," Skwisgaar purred, pulling the Norwegian closer, and promptly licking some of the spunk off his face. 

"Nngh, Skwisgaar, what ams you doings..." Toki promptly decided to do the same to the other guitarist, tasting the salty fluid on his tongue as he lapped the cum off Skwisgaar.

"Toki, I told you to stops copies me..." 

"You stops copies me, Im's just being nice!" 

"Holy shit..." Nathan murmured, watching with half lidded eyes as the two scandinavians fought like filthy sluts over his cum, a pleasant shiver going down his spine. 

"So, who dids better?" 

"Ja, Natans, who dids better?" 

"Uhhh... You both did uh... really good, guys..."

"Buts _who_ ams better!?"

"...I-I don't fucking know, I was trying not to cum!" Nathan barked, blushing.

Skwisgaar and Toki glanced at each other knowingly.

"Agains?"

"Agains."

**Author's Note:**

> *jävla - dammit
> 
> now you can imagine a traumatized pickles going back to his room. too sober


End file.
